It’s all too common that I find myself standing in the kitchen, imploring whichever politician is in the hot seat to just ‘please, for all that’s holy, answer the damn question!’
But, with the odd glorious exception, all I get is the same pre-approved statement, served 3 ways. The same mindless, headline-friendly sound bite, designed not to impart any actual information, but rather to keep as many people as possible happy. In fact, it’s not even that positive. It’s to avoid offending as many people as possible. Nothing more, nothing less. And that, right there, is the problem. As with just about everything, it’s the media that is driving this staggering need to appease everyone, this constant necessity for those in its glare to look over their shoulders, watch their backs and cover their arses, all at the same time.
I understand the concept of democracy. It’s to ensure that the voice of the people is heard, that no one government can ever become powerful enough to start to suppress its people. It’s a noble ideal, and one that works perfectly in principal:
- We elect those we trust to represent us.
- We elect those we consider more able to do the job than us.
- We let them work, safe in the knowledge that they will speak to us when they need our help.
- They dedicate their lives to making right, reasoned decisions on our behalf, periodically resubmitting themselves to our approval.
- Those of us whose chosen official wasn’t successful accept the result, grateful to have been given the chance, and safe in the knowledge that there’s always next time.
Ultimately, the country functions like an enormous business, with departments and interests in just about every aspect of modern life. Our government is supposed to be running that business, and yet because of the way our democratic system works they are also forced to run a continuous media-based election campaign. Do you think Sir Richard Branson or any one of the Dragons would be where they are today if they had been forced to explain and justify every decision they made to someone who didn’t have the faintest concept of how a business actually ran? If they had to distil every global strategic decision into a 6 word quotation understandable to a complete layman? (And now, as if that wasn’t enough, we have Twitter. It is only a matter of time until one of the most important aspects to getting foreign policy approved is its capacity to be explained in no more than 140 characters!)
This absurd Eastenders plot of a story concerning the slanderous emails coming out of Downing Street is the perfect case in point. So some idiot, working without Gordon Brown’s knowledge, decided it would be a great tactical move to drag opposition names through the mud. Let’s face it, he wasn’t wrong either. His real mistake (apart from being an idiotic, career-obsessed little weasel) was that he got caught doing it. But fortunately caught he was, was sacked, and surely that should be the end of that? That’s the way this would work anywhere else. He was caught doing something he really shouldn’t have been doing, has lost his job and been forever branded pathetic. Surely David Cameron can see that this is embarrassing enough for Gordon Brown without the Conservatives even getting involved. Why not laugh condescendingly at their childish antics and move on? I may be mistaken, but I’m fairly sure there is a whole world of shit out there that calls for the Prime Minister’s time more than this. There are only so many hours in a day, and amidst a global recession, cultural extremism and bloodshed on a frankly incomprehensible scale, the leaders of our country are spending hours every week debating things that really should not concern them.
As far as I’m concerned, I’d be happy never to see a politician again. The Houses of Parliament should be like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out! I would sleep easy, knowing that in the corridors at Whitehall, great men in my corner made great decisions that I would never need to understand. I remember listening to an MP being bitch-slapped for suggesting that a lot of the Irish voters who voted against the EU constitution might not really understand the intricacies of what they were voting for. I’m going to stick my neck out and say that he might have had a point. I’m not saying that the referendum was a bad thing, or even that the result was wrong. It’s just an illustration of how much modern politics needs to be fought through the media. It doesn’t matter how considered and reasonable an argument is, if the red top readers don’t buy into it, it’s not going to work.
Spin is king.
And so, with that slightly disjointed and meandering rant off my chest, I feel happy enough to step out into the rain and face down the world. There’s a smile on my face, and try as you might, it’s not going anywhere.
Actually, that reminds me. I remember a while back the Tories kicking up a big fuss because they claimed that Labour had stolen one of their ideas. I may be wrong, but if you have something that you clearly think is best for the country, and then the people in a position to actually put it into action decide it’s a good idea to do so, shouldn’t that be a good thing? Wouldn’t the ultimate scenario be that the ruling party stole every good idea of yours and made it happen? I know you’d be forced to come up with some new ideas when the time arose, but as the leaders of our country I like to think you could probably stretch to that!
Right, I’m done. Now where are my wellies?
